Yesterday I received the hard news that I didn’t get the job.

Over a month of Zoom interviews. Waiting. An in-person interview. Waiting. The holidays. More waiting. And then the dreaded email: Thank you for your time, but we’re moving forward with other candidates.

Ouch.

I was laid off in September, just shy of my fourth anniversary, and this job market is rough. This isn’t the first time I’ve experienced a layoff. I was laid off after fourteen years back in 2016, but this time feels so much harder.

Why?

Aside from the economy, I’m in a different place now. I’m not looking for an entry-level role. I’d prefer to work from home. And quite frankly, in workplace terms, I’m old. I’d like to believe that experience gives me an edge, but sometimes I wonder if it also makes me feel like too much work, like an old dog no one wants to teach new tricks.

I’ll get back on the application train, even though it feels like I’m dragging behind it, one foot on, one foot still on the tracks. But I also need something else. So I’m dipping my toes back into writing.

I want a place to be real. Not another Instagram-perfect page, because trust me, I don’t have that. I’m a mess. I have a husband, three kids, and too many animals to name. My days are spent cleaning and cleaning and cleaning. It feels like Groundhog Day, and yet somehow my house is never clean. I envy friends with modern, picture-perfect homes, but then I look around and know, deep down, I wouldn’t trade this mess for anything.

A little about me: I’m a firstborn. A Pisces. An Enneagram 1. An Insights blue–green–yellow–red; which, according to the printout, also says do not hug me. I’m emotional. I’m stubborn. I’m a perfectionist. And this perimenopause might just be the thing that takes me out.

My hope with this writing isn’t just to get my thoughts out, it’s to connect with others who are in it too. I want this to be a real place. Not curated. Not posed. Not pretending everything is fine when it’s not.

And that’s where the name Still Enough comes from.

With everything happening in the world right now, the phrase holds so much. Enough is enough. I am choosing enough. Enough for today. And through the layoffs, the rejection, the uncertainty, I am still here.

I am Still Enough.